You Can’t Relax if You are Angry
There is a lifeline that affects brain development. Do you base your outlook in life on fear or
love? For most of us who were raised in an environment that was less nurturing, fear was the
main feeling and dictated the way you responded to any threat. Relaxing for us is just not
having any stress.
Life is full of stress for everyone. No matter the physical appearance of people, it only takes a
couple of questions to figure out the amount of stress they are going through. Even for those
who seem to have conquered in their careers or have achieved success in their vocations, it
does not cover up for the stress they may be undergoing.
You may be among those who were loved and supported while growing up and have a different
view of the world. Your ability to stay calm and have a enjoy life should be higher than that of
one who grew up in chaos. Nonetheless, despite your upbringing, relaxing is a skill you can
learn. You first need to understand the power of the unconscious that determines your
Last weekend, I went on a ski trip with a couple of friends. Most of us had suffered many
challenges in the past year while others were just tired. They were in demanding and
challenging situations at work with no vision or idea of a breakthrough. Taking some time off in
a lodge gave us the chance to quickly unwind and it truly was revitalizing. For me, the ideal
form of recreation is sharing enjoyable moments with family and friends. As I looked into the
word ‘recreation’ it appeared to me that all I have been doing all this time is “wreck creation.”
The heart of healthy relationships is being aware of. The opposite of awareness is anger. It is
not possible to relax if you hold onto anger. This is what is called wreck creation rather than
recreation. Maximizing on adrenaline drive at work to make a breakthrough is also a form of
Wreck creation on career
Several months ago, I was taking a walk through a trail in Deer Valley, Utah, and at a corner
ahead, a couple were arguing on which was the right direction to take. One was complaining of
being tired while the other one said, “you always do this.” They stopped arguing when I went
past them but then resumed their argument.
While I was at the Alta Resort Lodge last weekend, a businessman standing at the ticket line
was yelling at his daughter who was on the phone. He walked away saying “you never pay
attention to me.”
I have witnessed similar happenings play out on most holidays I have taken. Until I looked at
this insightfully, I would become very angry when my wife took long shopping. Sometimes a
five-minute delay would mess up the rest of the day.
Wreck creation at work
Some years back, I realized that I was stressed up at work, and spending a significant amount of
time during holidays to recover. I did not have great relaxation skills which means I never fully
recovered. I decided that since I spent most of my time working, I would enjoy every bit of it.
This meant enjoying my colleagues, staff, and listening to my patients closely, and look at
problems as challenges. This made a significant difference in my work and home life including
What type of environment are you setting up at work? As yourself these questions to get the
Do I lead by intimidation or intimidation?
Are my staff and coworkers good enough?
What am I contributing to my work set up to make it safe and nurturing?
Do I backbite my clients and colleagues?
Do I spend most of my time complaining or trying to find solutions?
Do the people I work with get excited when I walk into a room?
If you are tense at work, how will you switch things and get to relax at home or on holidays?
Why are we all in a hurry? How much do we spend caring for ourselves and for those we love?
It is imperative to relax and engage in recreation to rejuvenate and connect with your creative
Wreck creation or Recreation
Recreation is being able to swim or bathe in play hormones e.g. dopamine and oxytocin. On the
other hand, wreck creation is a result of constant harassment by stress hormones. Study shows
that you are at risk of getting ill physically or mentally. Bad behavior can destroy everything
including careers, relationships, and the lives of those around you.
Recreation and healthy relationships are based on awareness. The first thing is to fully
rejuvenate is to become aware when you are crating wreck. Remember though it’s allowed to
fail as you try. Each attempt you make has value and plays a significant role in you becoming
Dr. DeMello defines love as awareness.
Raquel Soteldo RP(Q), MA, ABA, PMP, CCC